your parents love me but you hate me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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