party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
