It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
