Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
