I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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