It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
