I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
