You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
