hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Of course I have a pirate flag
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
