I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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