i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
