he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
