your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
