I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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