You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
