If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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