taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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