Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You left your phone here
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