I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
