On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
