**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
