The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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