I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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