My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Boobs speak an international language.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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