Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
