so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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