butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize
