its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
