can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
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there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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