There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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