i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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