sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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