You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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