hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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