Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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