I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
