1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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