FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
