Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
