Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
