I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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