saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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