she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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