Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
