Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
