I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
