so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
