I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
