We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
