ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
