Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
