We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
