My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
