please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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