You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
