and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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