But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
