He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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