The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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