this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
