he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
