Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
