It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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