It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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