Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We got so high we made milksteak
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
