Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
