tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I want to have your abortion
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Found the puke drawer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
