You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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