i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize