I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
