There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
