Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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