absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
