I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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