shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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