Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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