you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
